Friday, December 1, 2006
Holy Moly, am I really updating?! OK, so you all know
that I've been a total slacker regarding my Daily Rounds so I'll
just clear up a few issues.
I haven't updated because I've just been busy
doing things like working (I hate when that happens), trying to
spend time with Joshua when I'm not working, and starting some
projects that are related to my web site. I didn't get
fired or in trouble when I revealed where I work. My
bosses all know about my web site and have all been supportive
and even admitted that they are my unofficial fans.
I have had some more people come visit me now
and so far everyone has been very nice. Let's try to keep
it that way.
If you've e-mailed me and I haven't
responded, it's because I'm extremely backed up, so you might
get a reply from me and think, "Who the hell is this? Oh,
that flaky girl I e-mailed a year ago." Yeah, that's me.
I actually had a bunch of Daily Rounds
written out but not ready for publishing because I'm a freak
about typos, spelling, grammar, etc., and now it's been so long
that I'm just like, forget it. Sorry for the lack of
smack-talk in the last couple of months.
Joshua was born with a preauricular tag, or
ear tag. It was just a piece of skin that stuck straight
out of his head right by his left ear. It looked like a
tiny weenie. This was just a piece of skin and posed no
medical danger whatsoever. But I wanted it to be removed
before he started going to school so that he wouldn't be made
fun of by other kids or even adults. So last month he had
surgery to get it removed. I was nervous because he had to
be under general anesthesia, but Joshua's surgeon, Dr. Margo
Hendrickson, came highly recommended by our friend, Dr. Michael
Zbiegien, who happens to be the Director of Pediatrics Emergency
Services at Sunrise Hospital here in Las Vegas (and who also
just went to Cancun with Jerome on a photo shoot and broke his
hand and expensive Canon camera when photographing a bikini-clad
girl...at least they didn't get caught in a hurricane again).
Everything went perfectly. Here's the interesting thing: a
small percentage of babies with ear tags also have kidney
problems. Joshua has never had any problems but just as a
precaution our doctor wanted to test him. On the day of
his test we had to make sure that Joshua didn't eat in the three
hours prior to surgery, but that he drank a lot of water, but he
couldn't pee because his bladder had to be full for the test (it
was an ultrasound). Yeah, right. Try telling a
2-year-old to hold it in. Anyway, the test was last week
and so far everything looks good.
Joshua was also born with another anomaly. Jerome sighed
and said that he didn't think he would pass that problem on to
Joshua. No surgery will be necessary.
We had a slot tournament in October for all the VIP's and one of
them was playing in my slots. I had never met him before
but we started talking and his name is Brian from Hawaii.
The next day he happened to see me as he was walking through the
casino and he said that he had a gift for me but he didn't have
it with him and he was headed somewhere else at the moment, so
he asked who he could leave it with to make sure I got it.
I said, "If it's a key to a car just hand it over. I have
time to wait while you dig through your pockets." He kind
of sighed, then laughed and said, "Well now my gift seems
cheap!" I said, "What is it?" He said, "The casino
gave me something for being in the slot tournament but I don't
want it." I said, "How nice! Just tell your host to
leave it with the beverage department." He said, "OK, but
maybe I'll see you tomorrow." It so happened that the next
day he saw me so he went back to his room and got it, and it was
a pretty big white box, all tied up in black and orange bows
(for Halloween) and it was heavy. I lugged it back to the
bar, nearly broke my arm, and all the girls crowded around me,
"Oooh...what is it? Who gave it to you?" Those
vultures wouldn't even let me open my own gift, I swear they
shoved me aside while they tore into it. I told them it
was a re-gift from a VIP. They were all excited until they
saw it, then they were like, "Woah...what's up with the funky
design?" I said, "Um, I think my mom will like it.
She's 60." Everyone agreed it was a nice gift, an
obviously expensive crystal iced tea set, but one only grandma
would really love. Thanks Brian...my mom really does love
Here's the Asian Gang: Sue, me, Charlotte, and Sue. We're
going to start a girl band called the Sue Sandwich. I'm
the white meat and Char is the dark meat. None of us can
sing but we can play a mean cow bell.
Here's a joke contributed by Steve, a Cocktaildoll fan:
Two guys walk into a bar
and place an order with a cocktail waitress.
One guy says, "I'll have a
The other says, "I'll have
a beer too, and make sure I get a clean glass."
The waitress comes back
with two beers and asks, "OK, who ordered the clean glass?"
The cowboys are here! I love cowboys. I keep
telling Jerome he can wear his cowboy hat to bed. Ee-ha!
So I was walking out of the bar when I heard
someone blowing his nose right outside the bar. This guy
was serious, I mean it was all bubbly and you could hear some
semi-hard stuff shooting out of there too. And he made
sure to empty both nostrils. Anyway, so I kind of glanced
over at him because, well, I'm not sure why, and as I did so I
watched him wipe both hands down his legs onto his pants.
Boy, was I glad I witnessed that.
I walked to my pit to drop off drinks and one
of my customers who ordered wasn't there but his chips were, so
I just set down his beer and moved on. As I was walking
back to the bar he ran up to me and handed me a dollar. He
said, "Sorry I missed you, but I had to take a dump." I
held the bill gingerly with my thumb and forefinger said, "Well,
thanks for telling me. Did you wash your hands?" He
said, "No, but I will next time." My face must have shown
that I didn't get the joke because he said, "I'm kidding, I'm
kidding! I wouldn't do that to you!" Ha ha.
Sunday, December 3, 2006
When I was handing a customer his drink he started to get
his wallet out of his pocket. He kept staring at me and
said, "Wow, you are so beautiful. Are you an actress or a
model?" I just kind of sighed and said, "Sure. You
gonna make me a star?" He said, "Well, I tell you what.
I'm a screenwriter but I'm very well connected." I was
thinking, damn, hurry up and get my tip already. He kept
talking as he finally got his wallet out, "I moved out here a
couple years ago so I could finish my screenplay without any
distractions. You know how things are in Hollywood,
there's always a party or something going on." He chuckled
and I chuckled as if I agreed. "So anyway," he was saying,
"If you ever want to get in on a good role, give me a call and
I'll see if I can write you into my script." And he handed
me his card. I took the card and thought, are you kidding
me? I stood here thinking he was getting money out of his
wallet and he was handing me his card? I couldn't believe
I wasted my time on this loser. I looked at the card,
which was just plain white with the words "Screenwriter, (Joe
Schmuck), (cell number) - day or night." The word
"screenwriter" was in fancy italic script. I said, "Wow,
this is really professional." He said, "Yeah. You
can call anytime. I don't just give my number to anyone.
But I can tell there's something special about you. I'll
take you to dinner and we can discuss your future." I
I went to the bathroom and in the stall next
to me I heard a girl puking. I could hear every watery
chunk come out. She was still at it when I went to the
sink to wash my hands. She must have been really sick.
A few seconds later she came out and went to a sink and I
glanced over at her and saw that she was getting out her
toothbrush, then she just started brushing her teeth
nonchalantly. She didn't seem sick at all now. Damn,
I left binge and puke back in the 80's.
After that I needed a mint. So I was
walking through my pit taking orders asking a customer if he
would like another hot tea. When I said "tea" my mint flew
out of my mouth and landed in his glass, which wasn't quite
empty yet. I said, "Oh man, there goes my mint." He
looked in the glass and said, "Did you just spit in my drink?"
I said, "I may have. Allegedly." His wife started
laughing. I said, "But just so there's no doubt, I'll
bring you another one." I took his glass and said, "Did
you want a mint in it this time?" He said, "No, keep it in
Thursday, December 7, 2006
I was interviewed by a Canadian film company called Insight
Film Studios for a documentary regarding beauty in the industry.
The interview was done at one of their friend's house, then we
headed to a karaoke bar to shoot footage of me pretending to
serve drinks. It was fun but the best part was listening
to them say "out." The DVD should be released sometime in
the spring of next year.
Lisa (coordinator/researcher), Brad (director), me, Brett
(sound), and the nameless hot camera guy.
The Griswolds have moved to Vegas.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
a guy gambling right outside the service bar so every time I
walked in or out he would look at me and smile. So I would
smile at him in return. After a few times he said "Hi," so
I said, "Hi" back. Then he said, "How are you?" and I
said, "Fine, thanks." And it went on like this for a
while, just little bits of conversation, "Having a good day?"
"Yes I am, and you?" "Great." I never stopped to
chat, it was all done as I walked by. His friends soon
joined him and I could tell he was talking about me because they
glanced over at me a few times. It must have given him
courage to have his friends there because he said, "You are
really beautiful." I said, "Thanks," as I walked into the
bar. When I came out again he got up from his machine and
approached me and said, "Can I take you to dinner?" I
almost laughed out loud. I said, "No," and walked away to
deliver my drinks. I didn't think anything more of it, but
when I was on my way back to the bar he ran up to me again and
said, "I hope I didn't embarrass you." I said, "You
didn't." He said, "I just thought I'd make your day."
This made me laugh out loud. I said, "Oh, you made my day
all right." I went back in the bar and immediately told
the girls what happened and they all laughed. Some of them
peeked out to see who this guy was who thought he could make my
day. On behalf of all cocktail waitresses I'd like to
thank this Good Samaritan who asks cocktail waitresses out to
dinner for the purpose of making their day.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Odds and his wife were nice enough to invite Jerome and me
to dinner at Fiamma, an absolutely awesome Italian restaurant at
The MGM. The Wizard is a human calculator and has been
banned from many casinos from playing live blackjack. His
expertise is so legendary that he's been quoted twice in
Playboy. I brought my July 2006 copy in for him to
autograph, in which he gave the Playboy Advisor his "10
Commandments of Gaming."
Thou shalt honor thy debts
Thou shalt expect to lose (The Strip was
not built by winners)
Thou shalt trust the odds, not hunches
Thou shalt not bet more than thou can
afford to lose
Thou shalt not believe in betting systems
Thou shalt not hedge thy bets (for
example, never take insurance on blackjack, and never bet
the "any craps" or "any seven" in craps)
Thou shalt search for the most generous
casino rules (for example, blackjack dealers who must stand
on soft 17's)
Thou shalt not make side bets, which are
Thou shalt have good etiquette (for
example, don't critique other players, don't get obnoxiously
THOU SHALT TIP (this is Cocktaildoll's
Me, Onalisa, Michael, and Jerome
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
once in awhile Elvis enters the building.
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