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The World's First Guide to Vegas
from a Real Vegas Cocktail Waitress








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Friday, December 1, 2006
Holy Moly, am I really updating?!  OK, so you all know that I've been a total slacker regarding my Daily Rounds so I'll just clear up a few issues.

I haven't updated because I've just been busy doing things like working (I hate when that happens), trying to spend time with Joshua when I'm not working, and starting some projects that are related to my web site.  I didn't get fired or in trouble when I revealed where I work.  My bosses all know about my web site and have all been supportive and even admitted that they are my unofficial fans.

I have had some more people come visit me now and so far everyone has been very nice.  Let's try to keep it that way.

If you've e-mailed me and I haven't responded, it's because I'm extremely backed up, so you might get a reply from me and think, "Who the hell is this?  Oh, that flaky girl I e-mailed a year ago."  Yeah, that's me.

I actually had a bunch of Daily Rounds written out but not ready for publishing because I'm a freak about typos, spelling, grammar, etc., and now it's been so long that I'm just like, forget it.  Sorry for the lack of smack-talk in the last couple of months.

Joshua was born with a preauricular tag, or ear tag.  It was just a piece of skin that stuck straight out of his head right by his left ear.  It looked like a tiny weenie.  This was just a piece of skin and posed no medical danger whatsoever.  But I wanted it to be removed before he started going to school so that he wouldn't be made fun of by other kids or even adults.  So last month he had surgery to get it removed.  I was nervous because he had to be under general anesthesia, but Joshua's surgeon, Dr. Margo Hendrickson, came highly recommended by our friend, Dr. Michael Zbiegien, who happens to be the Director of Pediatrics Emergency Services at Sunrise Hospital here in Las Vegas (and who also just went to Cancun with Jerome on a photo shoot and broke his hand and expensive Canon camera when photographing a bikini-clad least they didn't get caught in a hurricane again).

Everything went perfectly.  Here's the interesting thing: a small percentage of babies with ear tags also have kidney problems.  Joshua has never had any problems but just as a precaution our doctor wanted to test him.  On the day of his test we had to make sure that Joshua didn't eat in the three hours prior to surgery, but that he drank a lot of water, but he couldn't pee because his bladder had to be full for the test (it was an ultrasound).  Yeah, right.  Try telling a 2-year-old to hold it in.  Anyway, the test was last week and so far everything looks good.

Joshua was also born with another anomaly.  Jerome sighed and said that he didn't think he would pass that problem on to Joshua.  No surgery will be necessary.

We had a slot tournament in October for all the VIP's and one of them was playing in my slots.  I had never met him before but we started talking and his name is Brian from Hawaii.  The next day he happened to see me as he was walking through the casino and he said that he had a gift for me but he didn't have it with him and he was headed somewhere else at the moment, so he asked who he could leave it with to make sure I got it.  I said, "If it's a key to a car just hand it over.  I have time to wait while you dig through your pockets."  He kind of sighed, then laughed and said, "Well now my gift seems cheap!"  I said, "What is it?"  He said, "The casino gave me something for being in the slot tournament but I don't want it."  I said, "How nice!  Just tell your host to leave it with the beverage department."  He said, "OK, but maybe I'll see you tomorrow."  It so happened that the next day he saw me so he went back to his room and got it, and it was a pretty big white box, all tied up in black and orange bows (for Halloween) and it was heavy.  I lugged it back to the bar, nearly broke my arm, and all the girls crowded around me, "Oooh...what is it?  Who gave it to you?"  Those vultures wouldn't even let me open my own gift, I swear they shoved me aside while they tore into it.  I told them it was a re-gift from a VIP.  They were all excited until they saw it, then they were like, "Woah...what's up with the funky design?"  I said, "Um, I think my mom will like it.  She's 60."  Everyone agreed it was a nice gift, an obviously expensive crystal iced tea set, but one only grandma would really love.  Thanks mom really does love it!

Here's the Asian Gang: Sue, me, Charlotte, and Sue.  We're going to start a girl band called the Sue Sandwich.  I'm the white meat and Char is the dark meat.  None of us can sing but we can play a mean cow bell.

Here's a joke contributed by Steve, a Cocktaildoll fan:

Two guys walk into a bar and place an order with a cocktail waitress.

One guy says, "I'll have a beer."

The other says, "I'll have a beer too, and make sure I get a clean glass."

The waitress comes back with two beers and asks, "OK, who ordered the clean glass?"

Saturday, December 2, 2006
The cowboys are here!  I love cowboys.  I keep telling Jerome he can wear his cowboy hat to bed.  Ee-ha!

So I was walking out of the bar when I heard someone blowing his nose right outside the bar.  This guy was serious, I mean it was all bubbly and you could hear some semi-hard stuff shooting out of there too.  And he made sure to empty both nostrils.  Anyway, so I kind of glanced over at him because, well, I'm not sure why, and as I did so I watched him wipe both hands down his legs onto his pants.  Boy, was I glad I witnessed that.

I walked to my pit to drop off drinks and one of my customers who ordered wasn't there but his chips were, so I just set down his beer and moved on.  As I was walking back to the bar he ran up to me and handed me a dollar.  He said, "Sorry I missed you, but I had to take a dump."  I held the bill gingerly with my thumb and forefinger said, "Well, thanks for telling me.  Did you wash your hands?"  He said, "No, but I will next time."  My face must have shown that I didn't get the joke because he said, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding!  I wouldn't do that to you!"  Ha ha.

Sunday, December 3, 2006
When I was handing a customer his drink he started to get his wallet out of his pocket.  He kept staring at me and said, "Wow, you are so beautiful.  Are you an actress or a model?"  I just kind of sighed and said, "Sure.  You gonna make me a star?"  He said, "Well, I tell you what.  I'm a screenwriter but I'm very well connected."  I was thinking, damn, hurry up and get my tip already.  He kept talking as he finally got his wallet out, "I moved out here a couple years ago so I could finish my screenplay without any distractions.  You know how things are in Hollywood, there's always a party or something going on."  He chuckled and I chuckled as if I agreed.  "So anyway," he was saying, "If you ever want to get in on a good role, give me a call and I'll see if I can write you into my script."  And he handed me his card.  I took the card and thought, are you kidding me?  I stood here thinking he was getting money out of his wallet and he was handing me his card?  I couldn't believe I wasted my time on this loser.  I looked at the card, which was just plain white with the words "Screenwriter, (Joe Schmuck), (cell number) - day or night."  The word "screenwriter" was in fancy italic script.  I said, "Wow, this is really professional."  He said, "Yeah.  You can call anytime.  I don't just give my number to anyone.  But I can tell there's something special about you.  I'll take you to dinner and we can discuss your future."  I said, "Great."

I went to the bathroom and in the stall next to me I heard a girl puking.  I could hear every watery chunk come out.  She was still at it when I went to the sink to wash my hands.  She must have been really sick.  A few seconds later she came out and went to a sink and I glanced over at her and saw that she was getting out her toothbrush, then she just started brushing her teeth nonchalantly.  She didn't seem sick at all now.  Damn, I left binge and puke back in the 80's.

After that I needed a mint.  So I was walking through my pit taking orders asking a customer if he would like another hot tea.  When I said "tea" my mint flew out of my mouth and landed in his glass, which wasn't quite empty yet.  I said, "Oh man, there goes my mint."  He looked in the glass and said, "Did you just spit in my drink?"  I said, "I may have.  Allegedly."  His wife started laughing.  I said, "But just so there's no doubt, I'll bring you another one."  I took his glass and said, "Did you want a mint in it this time?"  He said, "No, keep it in your mouth."

Thursday, December 7, 2006
I was interviewed by a Canadian film company called Insight Film Studios for a documentary regarding beauty in the industry.  The interview was done at one of their friend's house, then we headed to a karaoke bar to shoot footage of me pretending to serve drinks.  It was fun but the best part was listening to them say "out."  The DVD should be released sometime in the spring of next year.

Lisa (coordinator/researcher), Brad (director), me, Brett (sound), and the nameless hot camera guy.

The Griswolds have moved to Vegas.

Sunday, December 10, 2006
There was a guy gambling right outside the service bar so every time I walked in or out he would look at me and smile.  So I would smile at him in return.  After a few times he said "Hi," so I said, "Hi" back.  Then he said, "How are you?" and I said, "Fine, thanks."  And it went on like this for a while, just little bits of conversation, "Having a good day?"  "Yes I am, and you?"  "Great."  I never stopped to chat, it was all done as I walked by.  His friends soon joined him and I could tell he was talking about me because they glanced over at me a few times.  It must have given him courage to have his friends there because he said, "You are really beautiful."  I said, "Thanks," as I walked into the bar.  When I came out again he got up from his machine and approached me and said, "Can I take you to dinner?"  I almost laughed out loud.  I said, "No," and walked away to deliver my drinks.  I didn't think anything more of it, but when I was on my way back to the bar he ran up to me again and said, "I hope I didn't embarrass you."  I said, "You didn't."  He said, "I just thought I'd make your day."  This made me laugh out loud.  I said, "Oh, you made my day all right."  I went back in the bar and immediately told the girls what happened and they all laughed.  Some of them peeked out to see who this guy was who thought he could make my day.  On behalf of all cocktail waitresses I'd like to thank this Good Samaritan who asks cocktail waitresses out to dinner for the purpose of making their day.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006
The Wizard of Odds and his wife were nice enough to invite Jerome and me to dinner at Fiamma, an absolutely awesome Italian restaurant at The MGM.  The Wizard is a human calculator and has been banned from many casinos from playing live blackjack.  His expertise is so legendary that he's been quoted twice in Playboy.  I brought my July 2006 copy in for him to autograph, in which he gave the Playboy Advisor his "10 Commandments of Gaming."

  1. Thou shalt honor thy debts

  2. Thou shalt expect to lose (The Strip was not built by winners)

  3. Thou shalt trust the odds, not hunches

  4. Thou shalt not bet more than thou can afford to lose

  5. Thou shalt not believe in betting systems

  6. Thou shalt not hedge thy bets (for example, never take insurance on blackjack, and never bet the "any craps" or "any seven" in craps)

  7. Thou shalt search for the most generous casino rules (for example, blackjack dealers who must stand on soft 17's)

  8. Thou shalt not make side bets, which are for suckers

  9. Thou shalt have good etiquette (for example, don't critique other players, don't get obnoxiously drunk)

  10. THOU SHALT TIP (this is Cocktaildoll's only commandment)

Me, Onalisa, Michael, and Jerome

Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Every once in awhile Elvis enters the building.

February     September

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